Mental Health: Healthy Living

Opening up about your mental health?

Start the conversation when there is an open window of time to have an in-depth discussion. Plan to set aside at least 30 minutes to an hour.

• Start with a text message if a face-to-face talk is too intimidating. The text message could be as simple as: “I have some important things on my mind and need to make time to talk to you about them.”
• Make a list of how you feel or things you want to speak about.
• Find information online that might help you explain what you’re going through. Bring this information with you when you’re ready to talk.

Here are things you can when you're not okay. 

Speaking with a friend or loved one?

Talking about mental health can be difficult and awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. Nor do you need to be an expert to engage in conversations about mental health. Just a few small words – like asking someone how they’re feeling – can make a huge difference. Whether someone is ready to have that conversation with you or not, most people will appreciate your care and support in trying to start the conversation in the first place.

If you’re not exactly sure where to begin, here are a few helpful conversation starters to break the ice around mental health:

“Are you okay?” Ask the question and mean it. Show you are listening by sitting alongside the person, maintaining an open body position and maintaining comfortable eye contact.

“Are you thinking about suicide?” If you are concerned that someone is considering suicide, ask the question directly. Asking a person if they have been thinking about suicide or have made plans will not increase the risk that they will complete suicide.

“I’ve noticed that…” Open the conversation by explaining behavior changes you have noticed. For example, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been showing up to work late a lot lately.” Then, express genuine concern.

“Do you want to take a walk?” Engaging a friend, family member, or loved one you are concerned about in a health activity like taking a walk together can be a great way to start a conversation. Doing an activity while you talk can take some of the nerves and discomfort out of the conversation.

“How are you, really?” Sometimes when someone says they’re fine, they’re not. Know the warning signs to look for so you can know when to offer extra support.

When it comes to mental health, what we say—and how we listen—matters.

Listen attentively

What is the person telling you? What’s their body language tell you? Think back to a time you truly felt like someone was listening to you, and how you felt. Emulate that.

Listen well so you can absorb what they’re saying, and refer back to something they said later on. This not only shows you’re listening, but that you care about the person and what they’ve shared with you.

Make sure to put away all distractions (phone, games, etc.) and face the person you’re speaking with. Look at them as they talk to you. Nod your head in understanding when appropriate, and gently inquire about something they brought up.

Ask open-ended questions

Make sure the conversation is not full of questions the other person can answer with a simple yes or no. Instead, open up a space for understanding by asking open-ended questions like:

• How have you been feeling lately?
• What have you been doing to cope?
• What do you want to do about that?

You can also express your concern and encourage the person to talk about what’s going on by offering caring statements like: 

• You seem to be a bit quiet these days. What’s been on your mind?

• Are you sure? If you want to talk, let me know.

• It seems like something is bothering you. I’m here to listen if you want to share.

• I’ve been ‘fine’ before – I’m here if you want to talk about it.

• That wasn’t very convincing – I’m here if you want to chat.

Don't assume or make judgments

Opening up and reaching out for help can be difficult. If you make assumptions and judgments in response, it can make it even harder for people to express themselves.

Refrain from assuming how a person feels, what they need, or what’s going on with them. Instead, ask gently for clarification when you need some.

If your friend or loved one tells you things that make you uneasy, or that you might not agree with, such as how they’ve been coping with their feelings, or negative perceptions they have of themselves, do your best to set aside all judgment.

Expressing warm-hearted concern and offering support should always be the aim.

Find a way to help or get help

Sometimes, you might be able to directly help the person you’re concerned about. Maybe all they needed was to vent, or have someone to talk to and help sort out their feelings. For some people, it might be helpful to send them positive text messages throughout the week, whenever you get the chance.

But there are some cases in which the ways you can help are limited. If your friend is suicidal, for example, then it’s time to get help from those more equipped to handle the situation at hand.

Ask your friend or loved one if they want to get help, and offer them the resources to do so. Assure them there’s nothing wrong with getting the help they need and that by doing so, they’ve taken the first step to feeling better. Sometimes, just hearing this will help lift some weight off of how they’re feeling.

Offering to take your friend loved one to these helpful spaces, or to find the proper assistance, can go a long way.