Small Talks: Start Talking
Think kids won’t listen? Think again. Research shows that parents and other caring adults are the most powerful influence on choices kids make about substance use. That means you can make a real difference, especially if you start early. Don’t worry; it’s easier than you may think. We can show you how, with helpful suggestions for tackling tough questions and ideas for getting the conversations started—whether you want to talk about substance use or anything else hard to bring up.
Have short, casual conversations
Small talks are short, casual conversations that help adults connect with kids on the important stuff, like substance use. Having lots of small talks over time helps build trust and set expectations as kids change and grow. Luckily, there’s no big production necessary. Just choose the moment that feels right to you. You can have a small talk anytime, anywhere.
Use everyday moments as conversation starters
Small talks don't need to be more than a few minutes, and can be sparked by something you see on TV or in a store. Taking advantage of these moments can help kids feel more comfortable opening up, little by little.
Say the right thing at the right time
You can start a small talk with one or two simple questions. There are no wrong answers to these questions, and reacting with openness and curiosity will build trust over time.
Children (Ages 5-7)
They’re curious about their bodies. Focus on the way substance use affects a person’s movement, judgment, and behavior. Try asking:
- “When do you think someone is ready to try drugs?”
- “Why do you think some substances are illegal—and why kids under the age of 21 shouldn't drink alcohol?"
Tweens (Ages 8-12)
Tweens are into their friends and unusual facts. Explain how substance use can put kids their age in danger, and practice how to deal with peer pressure. Spark conversation by asking:
- “Have you ever seen an adult use substances like alcohol or commercial tobacco too much? What did you think or feel?”
- “What could you say if you were offered a drink or a drug and you didn't want to look foolish?”
Teens (Ages 13-17)
They’re growing independent, so help them find good reasons to wait. Talk about the impacts, their future, and making safe choices. Get them talking with:
- “Do you see other kids drinking, smoking, vaping, and using drugs at parties you go to? How does it make you feel?
- “Are you at all worried about becoming addicted to a substance like alcohol, commercial tobacco, or another drug?”
Answer difficult questions
We get it: substance use can feel like an uncomfortable topic. You may worry that by talking about substance use, you're introducing a possibility your kid might not have been exposed to substances. And once the conversation gets going, you may face some tough questions. The good news? That's a great sign. Questions mean your kid is aware, engaged, and your talk is on the right track. Want to build your confidence? Take a look at the thorny questions and straightforward answers (suggested by real experts).
People who drink alcohol, use cannabis, smoke, vape, or use other drugs aren't "bad." That's why it's important to be compassionate when you explain why some people use substances.
Try saying: "There are lots of reasons. Sometimes adults don't mean to overdo it, but they aren't careful, and they have too much. Others use substances because they think it's the only way the can relax or have fun."
The link between substance use and mental health is an important topic to discuss with kids, too.
You could say: "Some people are sad, lonely, or overwhelmed, and think getting drunk or using drugs will help them forget about their problems. Unfortunately, it just gives them more problems and makes them feel sick. Another reason is that some people have a disease called substance use disorder that they need help treating."
Don’t let your past stop you from talking about substance use.
If you tried substances as a teenager, be honest. Acknowledge that it was risky. Make sure to emphasize that we now know even more today about the impacts on kids who use substances. Consider telling kids relatable stories about making smart decisions when it comes to underage partying. These could be stories that show the consequences of engaging in risky behavior.
If you didn’t use substances when you were growing up, talk about the reasons why you chose not to. You could also tell them how you learned to handle outings where substance use took place.
This question is a great opportunity to let kids know you’re there to guide and support them. Try saying:
“I love you and it’s my job to help you stay healthy. Friends and other kids may try alcohol, smoking, vaping, and other drugs, so it’s natural for you to be curious about it. I’m here to answer any questions you have, and even brainstorm what you can say to your friends.”
Let kids know their choices—and well-being—matter to you by telling them:
“It’s important to me that you don’t drink, smoke, vape, or use drugs. It’s bad for you in so many ways. I want to make sure you’re safe, so never hesitate to call me if you or one of your friends is in trouble. No questions asked. I will be there if you need me.”
Help kids when they're on their own
You can't control a kid when their out of your sight. But you can help them become a person who has good values and good judgment. You can’t always prevent a kid from being offered substances, but you can help them be prepared if it occurs. Giving kids the tools to handle peer pressure is one of the most important things you can do to help them make healthy choices.
Saying no is never easy, at any age. As a caregiver, it’s important to set clear boundaries so kids understand expectations for their behavior and can make positive choices. For young people, finding ways to navigate social situations and stay substance-free takes practice and support. The tips below can help you both.
Tips for setting boundaries
Taking these steps can help:
- Communicate your positions on alcohol, smoking, vaping, and other drugs. Don’t assume kids know what you expect of them.
- Set realistic rules about parties, and what kids should do around alcohol, smoking, vaping, and other drugs. Consider including your child in setting family rules with clear consequences.
- Be consistent. Don’t let a kid off the hook for their first offense or end a consequence (like losing social, device, or car privileges) early.
- Ask questions before young people go out, like “Will an adult be there?” or “Do you think kids will be drinking or using drugs?”
- Reward good behavior. Encourage kids to reach out when they need help and show your appreciation when they do.
Tips for helping kids say no
These tools and tips work:
- Pick a code word a kid can text to you if they need a ride home or an excuse to leave a sticky situation.
- Before kids go out, practice a few “No, thanks!” responses to use in case they’re offered alcohol, cannabis, commercial tobacco, or other drugs, like:
- “No, thanks! I’m the designated driver.”
- “Thanks, but I want to keep a clear head tonight.”
- “That’s okay, I don’t use.”
- “No, thanks. I have a game tomorrow.”
- “Nothing for me. I don’t want to get kicked off the team.”
- “No, thanks! I have to get up early tomorrow.”
- “Thanks, but I don’t feel well.”
- "I'm on meds that make it dangerous to mix with other substances."
Taking risks is a normal part of growing up. When kids take healthy risks, they build confidence and learn more about themselves. But without these challenges, young people may find the excitement they’re looking for in dangerous activities like substance use. Help a teen find healthy ways to put themselves out there, like:
- Joining a sports team or club.
- Running for a student office at school.
- Learning to cook.
- Taking dancing lessons.
- Performing live music.
- Becoming a social activist.
- Rock climbing, snowboarding, or mountain bike.
- Trying out for school plays or community theater.
- Volunteering in their community.
- Creating a public art project.
Guidance documents
Start your next small talk about the impacts of youth substance use with confidence. Review these documents.
Visit our Substance Use: Statistics page for the latest data on substance use in Wisconsin.
Get stories from real Wisconsin talkers
Learn how caring adults worked through their stage fright, got prepared, and started having effective small talks about substance use with kids in their lives.
Hear from caregivers and others who have talked with kids about substance use